Still Standing…

I am using this platform as a no judgement zone. I have these emotions about my life circumstances. Writing is therapeutic for me. Before I share I want to thank you for taking this journey with me. I might not always post things you like. But it’s My Reality, My Growth process…

You ask, how is it I am still standing?

After…

-relocating across the world

-leaving my family, my home, the place where I grew up

-leaving a full time job with no idea of where I would land

-finding out after only been in a foreign land for 2 1/2 months that I wasn’t

enough for my husband

-going back and forth being lied to that it had stopped for a year

-to after only a year, being told that he wants a divorce

-did I mention having three kids all under the age of 10

-to being nonexistent in his life, feeling like an after thought

-to only speaking if it involves the kids

-to dropping off my kids at random public locations in the morning

-to just 2-5 minutes interactions

-many sleepless nights

-many slobber fest cries

-All while still be stuck in a state of loving him but not being able to do or say anything to change my situation

You still want to know?

ITS By the Grace of God…

Through all the stuff I mentioned from above…

-I landed a full time contracted position by only doing a phone interview before we even made it across the world to our new home

-to a month and a half later, finding a full time permanent job

-to finding a community of powerful women of God both seasoned and growing

-to finding great coworkers some whom have become friends

-to buying a beautiful house just only after having had been here a year

-to receiving a 9k plus grant for a down payment

-to having to put no money down

-to learning so much about myself

-to being in a space where I’m open to learning about myself

-to being committed to being my best

self

You see I won’t lie it’s not easy and I have my moments, but I truly believe God has kept me and continues to bless me through my storm, because He knows the Woman He’s designed me to be and the Woman who will come out of this on the other side. Even through my down times, I encourage you to Be Still, hear from God. Proverbs 46:10 Be still and know that I am God. He didn’t promise it would be easy. But it’s through Him that our help will come. It’s true that when we are weak we are strong. If He will bring you to it, He will bring you through it. I’m still standing because of God’s love and grace. Through it all He has not left me nor has He forsaken me. He has shown me the peace in the midst of the storm. This encouragement is not only for you it’s for me as well. Be still and hear from the Lord. Seek Him in all that you do. My story is not is not unique, but if I can encourage one woman that, even though the road ahead looks rough and the cards that you are being dealt are less than ideal, God can and will show up and show out. Even though I’m experiencing something that I’d arguably consider to be the worst things that I’ve had to deal with in my life… when I look back, God has continued to bless me in other areas of my life beyond my imagination. My word from God in this season of my life has been, Be Still.

I don’t know who this is for, but to you, you Strong, Beautiful, Courageous WOMAN, I encourage you to Be Still and hear from God.

Redeemed & Restored

From prostitution to redemption:  A casual conversation with a woman who experienced God’s grace and favor in the midst of a difficult season.


 

God is a Healer and Restorer.

“Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9 NLT

Would you believe me?

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Would you you believe me:

If I told you I was born to drug addicted parents?

If I told you, my parents did not graduate high school and were unmarried teenagers when they had me?

If I told you my life was set up to fail?

If I told you the dysfunction I was born into?

If I told you, I repeated the cycle and had my son at 17?

If I told you, I use to wear hand me downs until I was old enough to get my own job?

If told you, I grew up in the roughest neighborhoods in Boston?

If I told you, I ran with friends that sold drugs, carried weapons and destroyed people’s lives?

If I told you, I lost friends, some really close friends, to gang violence and jail?

If I told you there was a period in life, I was going to a funeral every month?

If I told you, one of those funerals had an infant casket?

If I told you, I would never wear skirts and my favorite clothes was timberland boots, baggy jeans and oversized shirts?

If I told you, I never liked attention or how I looked?

If I told you, for a short time living with one of my parents, I use to hide my money and jewelry?

If I told you, I didn’t celebrate graduating high school but was glad to not be a victim of the street?

If I told you, I  ran the streets with a group of girls fighting rivals?

If I told you, I had anger issues?

If I told you, I almost went to jail (posted on the wall while they searched my car)?

If I told you, college didn’t seem like a possibility?  I was just glad to survive.

If I told you, I ran into a crack house to ‘rescue’ one of my closest friends?  Her mom called me – scared for her daughter’s life and I went straight to the projects (by myself) to find her.

If I told you, I never had my own room until I moved on my own?

If I told you, that son I had was never suppose to walk?

If I told you, I lived in the hospital for two months while that son recovered?

If I told you, I moved away (as soon as I could) out of concern for my son being caught in crossfire?

If I told you, I was so depressed I went from a size 6 to size 0 in three months?

If I told you, I could not even get out of bed for almost a year?

If I told you, they prescribed me tons of medication?

If I told you, the doctors said I would never recover but to hope for some sense of function?

What if I told you, I not only recovered but I prospered beyond anyone’s expectation in every area of my life? Exceedingly, Abundantly, Beyond what I could ask or think.

Babe and I

Would you believe if I told you that was the woman you see?

One word from God – shift my entire world and none of what happened could change the trajectory He would send me to.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
    before you were born I set you apart;
    I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” – Jeremiah 1:5

This is not just something I do, my life is Ministry.   You can’t tell me Nothing!!

 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

 

My testimony – ‘Reckless Love’ by Steffany Gretzinger | Bethel Music

My confession – ‘Bless Up’ by Koryn Hawthorne

 

 

 

Don’t Go Back!!

Do you want to be made whole?  Do you desire the things of God, even if it requires you to let things go that have been apart of your life for so long?

We sometimes say, this is who I am…..But is it really?

“Do you want to get well?” – John 5:6b 

Inspiration (Listen below):

 


Meditate on the words of this song:

Song: Light the Way by Phil Thompson

Scripture references:

John 5

John 9:2-3 NIV

Isaiah 43:18-19 NIV

Romans 10:17 in the NKJV and NIV

Phillipians 4:9

Lamentations 3:24 NIV

1 Peter 5:9 NIV

Enough…

Women of God. I would like to share a word of advice that will be a blessing to you. It’s easier said than done especially when it comes to those closest to you, however it is possible.

-Stop trying to manage others decisions and manage your own….It’s enough!

Proverbs 19:20 Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.