I want more…

THEN

I want more than holidays and birthdays.

I want more than casual glances and high fives.

I want more than stolen moments of you with the kids.

I want more than good mornings and good byes.

I want more than I pray you have a blessed and safe day.

I want more than I hope you have a good night.

I want more than a casual hangout in the car.

I want more I want more of you.

I want more I want more of us.

I want more I want more of we.

I want more of what we never had.

I want more of what could have been.

I want more of you after growth.

I want to give you more of me.

NOW

I want more knowledge of who I’m am because then and only then will I truly know if you are my “I want more.”

When you’re mourning the end of a relationship that (in your mind) was supposed to be your happily ever after, it’s hard to accept the reality that it failed. I find myself going through a roller coaster of states of mind.

I want more of you, was my yesterday.

Today I want more for and of myself.

Only God knows my tomorrow.

The true testimony is that God has kept me through it all, my yesterday, my today and what is in store for my tomorrow

Still Standing…

I am using this platform as a no judgement zone. I have these emotions about my life circumstances. Writing is therapeutic for me. Before I share I want to thank you for taking this journey with me. I might not always post things you like. But it’s My Reality, My Growth process…

You ask, how is it I am still standing?

After…

-relocating across the world

-leaving my family, my home, the place where I grew up

-leaving a full time job with no idea of where I would land

-finding out after only been in a foreign land for 2 1/2 months that I wasn’t

enough for my husband

-going back and forth being lied to that it had stopped for a year

-to after only a year, being told that he wants a divorce

-did I mention having three kids all under the age of 10

-to being nonexistent in his life, feeling like an after thought

-to only speaking if it involves the kids

-to dropping off my kids at random public locations in the morning

-to just 2-5 minutes interactions

-many sleepless nights

-many slobber fest cries

-All while still be stuck in a state of loving him but not being able to do or say anything to change my situation

You still want to know?

ITS By the Grace of God…

Through all the stuff I mentioned from above…

-I landed a full time contracted position by only doing a phone interview before we even made it across the world to our new home

-to a month and a half later, finding a full time permanent job

-to finding a community of powerful women of God both seasoned and growing

-to finding great coworkers some whom have become friends

-to buying a beautiful house just only after having had been here a year

-to receiving a 9k plus grant for a down payment

-to having to put no money down

-to learning so much about myself

-to being in a space where I’m open to learning about myself

-to being committed to being my best

self

You see I won’t lie it’s not easy and I have my moments, but I truly believe God has kept me and continues to bless me through my storm, because He knows the Woman He’s designed me to be and the Woman who will come out of this on the other side. Even through my down times, I encourage you to Be Still, hear from God. Proverbs 46:10 Be still and know that I am God. He didn’t promise it would be easy. But it’s through Him that our help will come. It’s true that when we are weak we are strong. If He will bring you to it, He will bring you through it. I’m still standing because of God’s love and grace. Through it all He has not left me nor has He forsaken me. He has shown me the peace in the midst of the storm. This encouragement is not only for you it’s for me as well. Be still and hear from the Lord. Seek Him in all that you do. My story is not is not unique, but if I can encourage one woman that, even though the road ahead looks rough and the cards that you are being dealt are less than ideal, God can and will show up and show out. Even though I’m experiencing something that I’d arguably consider to be the worst things that I’ve had to deal with in my life… when I look back, God has continued to bless me in other areas of my life beyond my imagination. My word from God in this season of my life has been, Be Still.

I don’t know who this is for, but to you, you Strong, Beautiful, Courageous WOMAN, I encourage you to Be Still and hear from God.